What Would You Endorse?

Having just consumed a can of Campbell’s Chunky Healthy Request soup—the official soup sponsor of the National Football League, according to the lid—I got to thinking: What products would I endorse?

It’s all around us, celebrities endorse everything these days. You can’t find a race car that isn’t covered with logos from its sponsors. The shirts of tennis players are adorned with the same. A while back I saw an article in the New York Times about a woman who had shaved her head in preparation for using her noggin as a billboard to advertise Air New Zealand with a temporary tattoo. For two weeks’ work she picked up $1,200. Heck, my head is naturally ready.

So toe to head, here I go:

Footwear: Tony Lama boots, Cole-Haan shoes, Mizuno sneakers;
Pants: Levis, no Wranglers for me;
Socks: Acorn Polarfleece (so toasty);
Shirts: Ralph Loren dress shirts (the best cotton around);
Sunglasses: Serengeti (especially awesome for driving);
And of course, Rogaine, which I wish had been around when I was in my 20s.

My official car would have to be a Porsche. Make all the jokes you want about its drivers suffering from some inadequate body parts, the brand has been a lifelong fascination. But make room for a Mercedes G-Wagen for those trips to Home Depot.

Gadgets: Apple iPod and iPhone, Nikon digital SLRs (after years as a Minolta maniac).

Despite my addiction to Italian and Mexican foods, my food sponsors would have to include Souplantation. I love that place because we constantly battle over what kind of dinner we should have tonight. Burgers? Always a possibility. At Souplantation, you can have almost anything, plus yummy chocolate chip cookies (I’ll continue that thought later). And the soups, as one might expect, are delicious.

I’d proudly wear a Tabasco label on my polo shirt (and probably have a few inadvertent dabs across the front). I’ll put some hot red sauce on almost anything. And Dannon yogurts are the best.

Beverages: Arizona Tea’s Arnold Palmer lemonade/iced tea mix. I buy that stuff by the dozen when it’s on sale. Mountain Dew, my former nectar of the Gods, just has too many calories and sugar.

Liquor: It’s tequila, baby. And I’m open for endorsement. Let’s start with anejos.

But meanwhile, back to chocolate chips. I would ask every supplier in the world to send me a sample or three before I make my decision. It’s really all a ploy, however, as my sister would win the prize. She knows exactly how I like ‘em; soft and not crunchy.

Of course, this rant is built on the misconception that celebrities and athletes only endorse products that they truly love and use—and don’t do it for the money. Ha! How many athletes have stepped in do-do by being seen wearing footwear of some other outfitter than the one that is paying them bundles to wear theirs? Me, I’m dedicated to what I like.